you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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