Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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