pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she told me i tasted like america
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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