just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
