If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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