May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
