He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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