dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who died my cat blue again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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