FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
