I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my shit smells like andre
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are my feet made of real feet?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
