Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
