I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
