i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
