No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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