i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
