Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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