And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
