3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
