I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
