I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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