Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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