I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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