when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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