I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
