the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she peed on how many people?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
