Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
third nipple confirmed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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