I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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