The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
