Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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