There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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