whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
