I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
