end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
