I cockslap morals
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
