Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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