Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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