Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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