If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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