So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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