Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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