I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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