My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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