Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
