You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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