Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize