I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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