I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
