What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
