Already got asked if we're dating
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
