oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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