I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
