U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
