I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
