talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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