I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
