I'm jealous of your bromance
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
