last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
