Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
