He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
