Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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