My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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