Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
