My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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