We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
