If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize