Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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