well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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