Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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