I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he thought i was a dude.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
