I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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